just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
