fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize