I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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