Only a mothe r could love this liver
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
