we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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