my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
