Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
