hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
