I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
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Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How naked do you want me to be?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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