the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize