i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Randomize
