Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
