Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
