HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Help. Why am I so naked?
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