Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
