But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Duck Duck Cougar?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.