Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.