Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.