and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
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we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.