Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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