I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
