Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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