East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This can only be settled by a dance off.