"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
We left the knife in your bed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.