Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for