I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
