We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize