I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
