Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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