halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
