I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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