You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
