i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
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Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background