It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."