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Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it's great music for shaving your balls
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
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