Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The Olympian is in my bed