I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat