I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.