I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.