By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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