It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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