omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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