Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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