is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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