For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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