I accidentally burped into my bong.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
