i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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