Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
