New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are we still banned from the library?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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