they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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