dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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