First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....