Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.