either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.