Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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