I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
