seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
