She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
