When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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