Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
