I didn't shave. On purpose
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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