I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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