My Higher Power is John Stamos
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
