dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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