Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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